:(

im tired of hearing the same things. i know that time will make me better. but right now i just want to cry and be sad. im still in shock and i want to curl up and not speak to anyone. why? :( i can't wrap my mind around it. hes sister called me and she said that hes young and he wants to have fun. i guess i kept him from doing all that. because i was clingy. because i wanted to see him. because i wanted to talk to him. i didn't know these things were a crime in a relationship. i wasn't good enough for him. i hated hearing him say that i was special that hes never cried for a girl and then he break up with me. dont' say that stuff when you don't mean it. when you dont' want me by your side. i don't know what to do right now except cry. i want to make the pain stop.

all better

the difference conversation makes. we talked. and he opened up and he told me i deserved the best and that he was going to give me what i deserve. and it makes me wanna cry. because i see that he really does want to be with me and be happy with me. as i do with him. im happy were happy and hes happy. i want to give him all that he deserves too :) hes my bombomcito ;) and in three days itll be our 3 months together :) im so excited. and i know we probably wont see each other on wed ill ask him if we can do something this weekend :)
XOXO carly

:(

im the bad person :( i make him feel bad. i don't make decisions. im annoying.

i guess im doing everything wrong :( i try so hard to get mad. to let it go. but i can't. and when i say something it all slaps me back in the face. i don't mean to make him feel bad. i just want to feel like he cares. like he wants to take me places and be with me. i can't make him take me out to dinner. i can't offer to go places and make him pay. i don't mind deciding where to go but rarely will i ever do it. because i don't like to. now hes annoyed of me and if we hang out he'll just act all distant.

i don't even know why im crying. i really like him. and i know he does too. but actions are louder than words. we wouldn't have even started arguing if it hadn't been for her. i can't make them not be friends. i thought me and him were gonna do something today and then he tells her hes not doing anything. that makes me feel like shit :(

:(

im sad. i feel forgotten and unimportant. like im not worth trying. its not a nice feeling. did i do something wrong? :(

april...

its april first. my corazon is in portland... with someone id rather not mention. i wish he'd come back already because i miss him!

i didn't work today so ive been keeping busy... trying to. i worked out and cleaned a little. i did laundry and im waiting for marco to hurry up and come over so he can cheer me up a little. adrianna came over yesterday. it was nice to see her :) on saturday ppl are coming over.... and hopefully my corazon will come too. some ALWAYS happens when he has plan to visit me... which is once in blue moon. i can't be mean though. hes so sweet to me <3

im going to take a shower and relax a little. chaos!
xoxo carly