:(

im tired of hearing the same things. i know that time will make me better. but right now i just want to cry and be sad. im still in shock and i want to curl up and not speak to anyone. why? :( i can't wrap my mind around it. hes sister called me and she said that hes young and he wants to have fun. i guess i kept him from doing all that. because i was clingy. because i wanted to see him. because i wanted to talk to him. i didn't know these things were a crime in a relationship. i wasn't good enough for him. i hated hearing him say that i was special that hes never cried for a girl and then he break up with me. dont' say that stuff when you don't mean it. when you dont' want me by your side. i don't know what to do right now except cry. i want to make the pain stop.

all better

the difference conversation makes. we talked. and he opened up and he told me i deserved the best and that he was going to give me what i deserve. and it makes me wanna cry. because i see that he really does want to be with me and be happy with me. as i do with him. im happy were happy and hes happy. i want to give him all that he deserves too :) hes my bombomcito ;) and in three days itll be our 3 months together :) im so excited. and i know we probably wont see each other on wed ill ask him if we can do something this weekend :)
XOXO carly

:(

im the bad person :( i make him feel bad. i don't make decisions. im annoying.

i guess im doing everything wrong :( i try so hard to get mad. to let it go. but i can't. and when i say something it all slaps me back in the face. i don't mean to make him feel bad. i just want to feel like he cares. like he wants to take me places and be with me. i can't make him take me out to dinner. i can't offer to go places and make him pay. i don't mind deciding where to go but rarely will i ever do it. because i don't like to. now hes annoyed of me and if we hang out he'll just act all distant.

i don't even know why im crying. i really like him. and i know he does too. but actions are louder than words. we wouldn't have even started arguing if it hadn't been for her. i can't make them not be friends. i thought me and him were gonna do something today and then he tells her hes not doing anything. that makes me feel like shit :(

:(

im sad. i feel forgotten and unimportant. like im not worth trying. its not a nice feeling. did i do something wrong? :(

april...

its april first. my corazon is in portland... with someone id rather not mention. i wish he'd come back already because i miss him!

i didn't work today so ive been keeping busy... trying to. i worked out and cleaned a little. i did laundry and im waiting for marco to hurry up and come over so he can cheer me up a little. adrianna came over yesterday. it was nice to see her :) on saturday ppl are coming over.... and hopefully my corazon will come too. some ALWAYS happens when he has plan to visit me... which is once in blue moon. i can't be mean though. hes so sweet to me <3

im going to take a shower and relax a little. chaos!
xoxo carly

update

ITS MARCH.
WINTER QUATER IS ALMOST OVER. AND ITS ALMOST SPRING QUARTER... :/
FIRST THING IS FIRST.
I HAVE A JOB NOW. WHERE MY SITER LULITO WORKS. LOL
MY BOYFRIEND IS THE SWEETEST ;) WE JUST HAD A OUR TWO MONTHS ON SUNDAY.
NOTHING REALLY IS NEW EVERYTHING IS COOL :)
XOXO. CARLY

UPDATE FEB.

its wednesday. and im sitting in the S building at school waiting for my baby to get out of class so we can go to his house, pick up his dad and take him to the airport.

so things have been good. school is eh. hate it. its boring. and kinda hard. i miss my friends. i need to hang out with them. but ive been busy. hopefully soon!!! im still unemployed. lol but i havent really been looking so its my fault. im happily taken by my corazon. and were doing good :) my fambam is good too. there really isnt much else to add. im just trying to burn time lol hes still in class for another 35 minutes :/ ugh lol
anyway. peace.

xoxo carly

tqm <3